You tell yourself your not going to fall this time, and you try so hard to keep your guard up and tell yourself 'There is no point in giving in to this person' deep down you know that it's just going to lead to hurt. You were right, it led to hurt, and ended anyway.
Then you think to yourself... the cycle will just start again, now i'll go back to putting my guard up and not falling for someone again, but you do and so on...The never ending cycle of hurt and love.
But there will always be that one person. The one person who you start the cycle for again, it ends, your hurt, but maybe just maybe you won't allow it do just what its done before.
After a while, and after disappointment and heartbreak, we get strong, we adjust, and we become more resilient, now maybe its not that it hurts less, i believe all hurt is hurt and there isn't a light hurt, its probably more the fact that we know that we can get through it, because we have before.
If you have read my blog before, you would know that I have had my heart broke, like we all have, you would know that I struggled, and I did feel like what's the point. It's only human to feel like we don't want to be let down again, or that with this string of fails that we should just give up, because we are so used to this pattern of meeting men that are quite simply not a great representation of a man.
It really was no different for me this time round. I hold back, because I'm wise to hurt, and believe me It's not like after being disappointed by this person that I just jumped up and thought 'Im fine onto the next one' I had the same doubts I had previously, that maybe simply I am unlovable, or not capable of meeting a genuinely good guy, and falling in love and being happy like every single one of my best friends is. Which is another hard thing. I have the most amazing, supportive, loving best friends, but every single one is in a happy stable and long relationship, which has left me as the single one for so long, it can be hard. But yeah, I still had them doubts this time, still felt gutted, insecure, messed about, it will never be easy to lose something or someone, thats not how we work. You lose a friend at the same time, you lose a part of you. I guess more than anything I just cannot afford to let myself sink, I can't cry for days, I can't be negative. I've come too far in whats happened to me and my life, to let myself assign myself to a life of failure and loss. So yeah, that one person has the power to hurt you, and you cannot run away from that .. But what you can do is let that one person show you that your strong, that as much as they have damaged a part of your soul, your still here, and your still going.
I have taken a lesson from anyone who has ever hurt me. Its easy to let someone wreck a part of you, when you give someone love, you give them that option. But, ultimately, the fact that you have given someone that much responsibility over your heart, is a big thing, and for you to come back after, well you have that responsibility back yourself now, so once you have been hurt, take all your control back, show that person that you are resilient, and above all don't let it break you or who you are, or what you hope for in life, because with that, its only you that can break them things.
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