This would have bothered me a few months ago. But now instead of wanting to cover my face up like a monkey emoji, I'm now feeling like punching the air with joy. Why you ask? Well...
I spent the age of 17-22 in serious relationships. That's like 5 whole years. A pretty big chapter. I mean when I became single again at 22 - I achieved more than I had in those whole 5 years put together. I found places in the world I never thought I'd find and friends I never could of imagined meeting, but above all this I found myself.
Still.. I found myself putting so much pressure on myself. Why am I still the single one? All of my best friends are in happy long term relationships. God I am truly happy for them don't get me wrong but it isn't easy seeing the snapchats, the status updates the glorious holiday snaps of them together and then of course there is me in the solo selfies - there's me taking a run by myself in Richmond Park haha! Loving life single. Almost every person in my life has somebody to love and be loved in return. Family and friends - and they all say 'chin up you will find that someone soon - you will find them when you are not looking or least expect' which to be frank is utter crap - it's like saying you will win the lottery without playing - but I guess what else is there to say to that single pal? I have learnt the act of being the third wheel to its master level. I was so bothered by all this I got to that terrible stage - the settle - settling for someone and seeing someone just to take away the reminder that after all this time I'm still single. I started to lose myself again, not because I'm some weirdo that has no map when they are seeing somebody but because this somebody was not good enough for me, they were not the one I was willing to settle for. Sod settling for someone who can't appreciate you and now being single has become more like a badge of honour.. Can't just be giving that up for a nobody.
I have learnt to appreciate and love myself, I am independent, strong and happy in my own company. I treat myself and look after myself. I really don't need someone for any of those things. It's true what they say. You have to learn these skills. My confidence grows every single day and I can't explain to you how settled I am in my own mind, just not settled enough to start lacking in drive and focus. At the end of the day I have let the idea of being single and allowing it to bother me go. Maybe I won't ever find the one or settle down? Not everybody does. Maybe I won't have kids like I used to dream about. We can't map out our futures. More and more I'm beginning to believe in fate and reason. It's not about looking for love and searching far and wide for a boyfriend or a girlfriend it's just about being open and ready if they happen to come along. Achieve everything you want to do. I used to think that at 24 I should be settling down now, a lot of the people I know have babies or are engaged or already married, which is adorable but did make me question why I wasn't like them or should I be working towards that? 24 isn't even old, i can't believe I have been thinking this. Life is just fleeting, I want to experience all I can, feel all I can and live my life to the full.. It's not about being single or in a relationship.. It's about living for yourself and if someone happens to spring into my life unexpectedly and fits the bill then perfect but it's not going to just suddenly change me... It will add to my life in some ways but ultimately I control my happiness :-) thing is I'm a firm believer that there is somebody for everybody out there, so while mine is lost and finding his way.. I'm just focusing on my goals, wants and needs and being 24 embracing all I can.
Any other singletons out there with something to say on this subject?
Love love love,
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