The truth was... I didn't know how overweight i was until I was at my biggest, and even then it was only until i started slimming down again that I looked back and thought 'Oh my god'.
At 18 I was slim, curvy and didn't even know it. I thought I was big then, how wrong I was. When I got terribly poorly with Quinsy, I could't leave hospital. I was in there a while, and with how ill I was i shrunk down to 8 stone and going under. Which for my height and frame, was tiny. I looked like a lollypop head and it was putting so much pressure on my body. It stayed like that a while.. My ribs protruded and were painful and I suffered with achy joints. The pressure of staying that slim was terrible, it drove me to bulimia, and for a long while I damaged my body by just trying to stay at that low weight. What I didn't realise was it was too small and conforming to the Media's idea of perfection was just causing so much strain. When I got into a long term relationship I relaxed on that front, and it kind of all just fell back into place. However I entered the opposite side of the spectrum and slowly but surely overtime weight crept on. Ofcourse there was other various factors in place that aided this. Apart from the obvious love of food that was clearly showing... I went back to fasting, fad diets and not eating properly, I was unhappy, and suffering from anxiety, and it led to weight gain.. When I say that I had tried every fad diet out there.. I really do mean it. So my journey has been done with heart, soul and motivation, no diet out there worked, no starvation, smoothies, shakes or sit ups helped.
Here is me at my lowest:
At my biggest I rocketed up to this:
It started off with the famous heartbreak diet. When I became single again, I really noticed that my clothes didn't fit like before. Working in the Media, meant that sitting at a computer all day long designing had done my arse no favours. When I worked as a senior care nurse after this.. I was walking.. when my car broke.. I was walking about 35 miles a week to ensure I still got to my clients. When I went back to the gym I realised how much bigger I was. I was shocked but also knew it was coming at the same time. When your best friend says to you.. maybe you could do with losing a bit of weight.. you know it's time to buckle down. They don't say it because they are being nasty they just know it would be better for you and honesty is the best policy sometimes.
So a year ago now.. I really decided to sort this out. I didn't want to feel this way anymore.. Heavy, insecure and not happy inside or out. I started by looking at how I got to this stage. Now a girl loves bread and pasta.. but my body didn't. Gluten was making me poorly and fat, and well it had to go. Goodbye all you lovely foods. But it helped.. that was the first step. I started drinking Water.. the thing that turned out to be a great pal. I was making sure I was getting at least 1.5 litres a day even more if I could.. Then I started packing my meals up with vegetables and fruit. I found a friend in PROTEIN.. but the natural kind. Before all of this I had never even eaten Steak... the sadness I feel in saying that now is profound. So I started getting steak, tuna and chicken into my life. Raspberry Ketone was also really effective and lemon into water for a natural detox. As I had been through diets before I knew it wasn't the approach. There is no overnight fix. This has taken me a year to get here and to shift three stone. Fads will make you lose weight quick but then add on the weight tenfold. So I stuck in.. motivation, determination and will power were the keys. THEN.. After walking walking walking.. My Dad who is a fitness fanatic said to me 'Lets run' I remember looking at him and saying 'I can't run' That is when he told me anyone can run, even paralympians run like a boss and are some of the best in the world. Its about willpower and its in your mind. Besides you can do anything you put your mind too.
So we started incorporating runs into the week. Richmond Park was the best scenery, and I remember the first run, it was so hard.. I was so unfit... My mind and determination got me through that run.. One week I remember running 35k in the 5 days. There was no better feeling. Now I can run, and its no wonder considering the first run I was carrying an extra 3 stone!
Amongst the spinach, the berries and the protein I didn't deny myself chocolate. Thats just setting yourself up for failure. I had one treat day/night a week. Cutting down on fizzy drinks was a great help too.. and just moving more.. It sounds silly, but walking is great even if you feel like skipping, or hopping just move more.
Drink your water. Get your 8 Hours of sleep a night. Cut down on sugar, avoid gluten, pack up with your 5 a day, stretch, move, make sensible changes, swap for healthier options. It all sounds so easy. Trust me I know how hard it can be. Its not about becoming Twig Man. I am not aiming for that even now. I want to be at my natural weight. Im always going to have a butt and boobs and hips that don't want to leave. Thats just me. Its about stripping away the fat. You could be Twig Man and eat like a beast and have fat around your organs that you can't see. Its about being kind to your body, feeding it properly, not starving it. Its about hydrating it.. exfoliating it.. loving it, and putting it out there. I know what it's like to want to cover yourself up head to toe, because your body is hideous to you. You lose yourself in your outer layers. Its about being confident, happy in your skin.
It won't happen tomorrow. It could take several months or years. Its about the change in your mind and inside of you. Changing your mind. Its for life. This isn't just for now, or for when I'm at my ideal weight. Its forever.. It's about programming your mind and your habits, not giving up and giving in. If you want something that bad it will happen, you will fight for it. I feel lighter, happier and for the first time in years Im confident in my own skin, Im happy with my body. I have a way to go yet, my journey isn't finished.. But It's on it's way, and on the right path.
For me its a case of continuing to get fitter, to carry on supplying my body with what it needs and focusing on how i feel inside too.
Don't go out buying new clothes either. At the moment hardly any of my fit, My old clothes are like blankets on me. And my even older skinny girl clothes are making their way out the wardrobes.
Hang in there, and remember if you want it to happen it can. Stay away from the fads and stick to the old school ways of doing what is right for your body :)
Enjoy! And let me know if you need to know anything, mainly about how I put the biscuits down for 6 out of 7 days of the week ;)
