Love is just so consuming. It consumes all of you, body, soul and mind. It really does leave you vunerable, exposed, to hurt. Hurt you may have promised yourself to never allow for you again, but hurt that you cannot help put yourself out for. Because this love, love in general, it makes you weak, it can be weakness in a good way - a way you cannot stop. Your head will try and rule over your heart, telling you that you need to take a step back, be strong, push away even, as you can't get fooled again, but inevitably love will fool us again, twice, a thousand times, because as humans we cannot truly ever conquer and overcome love. It beats us, we cannot hide from it, stagger it, fight it or decide against it. Love will happen regardless and we may push away and prevent it from happening, deny it even. Yet as much as we try, not because we dont want love but because to some degree everybody wants and needs love, love is life, security and everything we have been built to know and recognise, we know what it feels like but we also know what the opposite feels like. Hurt, pain, heartbreak, distrust, having love and having it ripped away. Why would we ever put ourselves in the position to do so again?
We dont want that for ourselves again, so we do try and stop it understandably. We cant help it, its our instinct to protect outselves and be wary of something that has hurt us before.
We hate lack of control. It is like being captured and not being able to escape - Its either going to end up with the worst ending, pure torture with no release, or it could end up with being saved. One outcome or the other, like with everything, but we also dont know unless we try or experience this, We cant stop the issue of being captured, we will either be freed or never be the same afterward. There is no choice, it is a fact of 'what will be will be' we cannot decide the end only the path in which we take to get there. Its hard, damaging, but we are already damaged if we think this way because you can only think this way if you have had your heart broke, if you have had love taken away, otherwise you wouldnt be thinking twice about it. It would be like first love, naive innocent, you wouldnt know the negatives or even be contemplating them because you wouldnt associate love with pain. Its hard, its really fucking hard, and you do feel like all control is taken away when your falling in love. When you have your heart broken you do all you can to gain that control, to deal with it, tackle it, overcome it and be strong, we manifest ourselves. We tell ourselves this wont happen again and we become certain we wont ever feel love again. We wont fall in love so fucking hard ever again, that we will never have that fear again.
But boom, you fall in love again. Everything in this world has a reason and a place. What will be will be they say, everything happens for a reason. There are two ways of dealing with this. Love with the possibility of hurt, but love so fucking freely that if you get hurt you get hurt but you know you will get to feel the truth. Or.. remain on the edge, never loving freely, never trusting, always expecting the worst, denying yourself, giving up potential happiness, treading on egg shells, waiting for someone to hurt you, almost expecting them too, loosing out on love, you may end up heartbroken anyway from lonliness or when you realise what you may have lost along the way. So its a case of just trusting the path itself, love hard, love so fucking hard, and in return feel everything. embrace everything. Consume yourself in love.
