Everyone will experience heartbreak at some point in our life, and we can get a broken heart from many different reasons, but I am focusing on getting your heartbroken by another person, from a relationship or just from unrequited love itself.
The movies would have us believe that our true love will come back to us and that all our heartache will be rewarded when they realize that they want to be with us, there will be a happy ending. However I'm sorry to say that the movies were wrong. Sometimes the only happy ending we get is the one we make ourselves, the one we get at the end of our own journeys where we start to write our own story, this is the only happy ending that we will get from getting our hearts broken.
So what does it feel like to have our heart broken?
I remember when I truly had my heartbroken. Before it happened, I believed I knew what heartbreak felt like, I thought I had experienced it a few times, from silly past relationships, I guess I had an idea of what it was like, but the times before had merely been a slight pinprick to the heart, and because of this I had never prepared myself for the immensity of Heartbreak. Trust me you will know if you have been there, its tough, really tough, but I feel like it's really important for me to discuss this subject because when it happens, you honestly feel like you will never get out of it, and that it will never get better, and when people used to tell me that it would, I never believed them, so I am writing this for those who are where I was a 11 months ago, and to show them that I know exactly what it's like and to make them see that they will get past it.
So a few months after I broke up with my ex I came across the 5 Stages of Heartbreak, which you can find anywhere on the internet and in self help books. It pretty much sums up stages that we go through, and it really is accurate in explaining our feelings, however I found that these stages can change order, and we can even repeat this stages.
Here i have written my own version of the stages due to my own experience.
Denial
Our sadness and grief is too overwhelming, we cannot cope without that person, we are in shock, so it's easier to pretend it's not happening, surely if we pretend it's not happening then when we wake up tomorrow everything will be back to normal right?
I look back at my own denial and it makes me sad, it's such a hard part of it all, because we are just so desperate and sad that we can't even face it, deep down we know we are going to have to but we just want to delay it a little while longer.
Anger
How could they do this? We were in love, they said forever, I will never forgive them for this. I will never forgive myself. I will never trust anyone. The world is such a mess. I hate love, love is pointless.
Anger is normal, and anger is good, embrace it, and get out your emotion, at least you are now feeling an emotion and facing it, just don't do any revenge attacks, you will think about it though during this stage, you will think about getting revenge, but it's not worth it, instead release it through running or kickboxing, because we don't want them getting the satisfaction of our feelings. Anger is after-all just a shallow blanket to the pain we are feeling inside.
Bargaining
I was angry I didnt mean what I said, I dont really hate you, I love you, Please lets start again, we can fix this. I know what I will do, Ill message them, I'll show them I love them, They will change their mind, they will see this is a mistake. Its all my fault, I can fix this.
Like denial this is another sad point, we start to bargain with ourselves and with them. We send messages, and hold hope that they will change their mind. Chances our 90% of the time they wont, and for the 10% that change their mind, it probably wont work and will rarely be the same. The bargaining comes out of the loneliness we are feeling, the sadness and loss.
Depression
Life's over with. No point without them. I'm going to stay under my covers all day and sleep. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to listen to music, in-fact just turn the music off, I am sick of hearing love songs and songs about a broken heart. Just go away.
Our grief hits an all time low. Remember heartbreak is grieving, it is loss, just like if someone dies, its a loss. We reach a black pit of despair, we may stop eating, we lose joy in things, we don't want to know. This is a hard stage and can end up overwhelming us. Surround yourself with family and friends, and embrace the sadness, let it make you, let it change you. You have to go through this, its all in our recovery so cry all you can.
Acceptance
My friends have been amazing. Today I laughed so much, today I forgot. Its been a few days and I didn't even think about them. I have to try to move on, its done now.
We slowly begin to live again. More good days than bad. Starting to accept but not forget. You still love them but you are accepting defeat and accepting you have no power over it anymore. Well done for getting here, its not over, there is a long way to go, but you have started to mend.
Your the only one who can save yourself and you have to want to do it, you have to want to heal, when you do your heart will always mend 100 times stronger, you are more powerful than you know, you are made to be strong, one day you will look back and be proud of what you overcame.
So take one step at a time, and embrace this journey, you will find out things about yourself, and begin to love yourself and trust yourself. Its a great opportunity to better yourself and mould yourself into a strong and independent person.
You are never alone in heartbreak, which is the most comforting thing about it all, you know that someone else out there is in the exact same boat, so as lonely as you feel, know you are never alone in the lonely hearts club.
You are never alone in heartbreak, which is the most comforting thing about it all, you know that someone else out there is in the exact same boat, so as lonely as you feel, know you are never alone in the lonely hearts club.
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