“Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, Be calm-love me-today-yesterday-what tearful longings for you-you-you-my life-my all-farewell. Oh continue to love me-never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.” Beethoven to his "Immortal Beloved"
Beethoven seemed like a pretty romantic guy, obit a tad dramatic and OTT, However it would be nice to see a few more Beethovens around now, ones that have no shame in telling someone exactly how they feel, and more so writing it down as a letter.
We live in a generation of social nymphos. Taking selfies, making them our display picture on Facebook. Instagramming what we ate and our latest gym kit. Tweeting about our fury that they cancelled some TV show or ranting about the latest football scores. These levels of social phenomenons have been around for a while now, and with the access to technology and the internet that wasn't there 50 years ago we have also changed the way we date and have relationships. Plenty of Fish and Tinder are just a few of many dating social apps that we can now absorb ourselves in. Life for the single twenty something is a drastic comparison to the twenty something of the 1950's. Programmes like Catfish have highlighted just how many people are embarking on online relationships, many of which are constructed by fake profile pictures and fake social accounts.
But it's not only Social sites and apps which have withered dating in 2014. So what's changed about dating in the modern world and is it for the better or the worse?
First off I am going to begin with an account of love and relationships today. Since the age of 17 I have been in and out of serious relationships, one of these was for two years and then a few months later I met my now ex boyfriend who i was with for three and a half years, this took me up to the age of 22 and to 2013 on Valentines Day, where i was to embark on being single and the joys that the single life brings. When I broke up with my ex I decided to stay single for at-least one whole year, and for some of you this will seem not long at-all and others this will seem a lifetime, but for me it had to be done. So coming up to nearly a year of being single now, it's safe to say I have experienced dating in the modern world, and was shocked at what it can really be like.
So more and more first dates are now taking place on SKYPE, people are meeting partners online, and jumping straight into relationships, because their weeks of Facebooking and Whatsapping eachother paid off, they may have added a little Facetime in too for good cause. Romance is dead, you see less and less men wondering home with flowers for their partners and courting is starting to become a thing of the past. Men and Women are showing less respect for each other and mainly less respect for themselves. People are getting married older, having children older and less time is spent on finding the one. Nobody really talks about love at first sight anymore, and the modern day love letter is usually a drunken Facebook message or text.
Two of the main things that seem to have had a major effect on dating and love in 2014 are the following:
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FWB - The wonderful word we have come to know as 'Friends with Benefits' something which i strongly believed was male orientated and designed for guys who didn't want to commit or embark on charming a girl just to get them into bed. I was wrong, Girls are just as bad. We have all turned into a casual generation, where sex is sex and it doesn't matter who it's with, as-long as it's safe who cares right? I think this is one of the things that bothered me the most. I just can't believe that there are girls out there who are just as bad as guys, they will embark on a FWB but then complain that guys don't take them seriously and that they cannot find someone to be in a relationship with, well is it any wonder, if you spent more time and effort on finding someone genuine than getting your underwear off in 5 seconds flat, then maybe someone would take you seriously? Again I cannot slate anyone who does have a FWB situation, if it works for you then good, but you only need to watch the films to see that someone may want more and get hurt.
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Then there is CHEATING - It seems it's more and more likely that you will be cheated on at-least once in your life, in fact the odds of this are pretty high - Again women are culprits of this too, I am a strong believer that if you have urges to cheat or do cheat then you really should not be with who you are with, so don't be a coward and do the right thing, stay single or find someone your not going to cheat on. Cheating is disgusting behavior and should not be tolerated, go and be in the FWB category if that's what your inclined to.
So some of you really may not see an issue with any of the above, and it might just be the norm now, but it really only seems sad when you compare it to the old fashioned way of dating and love, stories that spurned great love stories and films, and an ideology that changed the life's of many.
Men were gentlemen, Women were Ladies. Men dressed to impress and Women had respect for themselves, they had class. Dating in the 50's was clear cut. There was no messing around, no games or head messing, no 3 date rules or worries over whether to reply to a text straight away. There was clarity and clear intentions.
Then there was courting, men picked up the women took them to the cinema or to a bowling alley or for icecream, and he would woo her, bring flowers, there were no distractions from mobile phones, if you made another date you would stick to it, you couldn't text to cancel. There was excitement, each date was like an occasion, it would have effort and it would be special.
Men chasing women was not like it is today where guys pursuit girls for sex, men generally enjoyed chasing women and showering them with romantic things, and the end goal was for them to simply go steady.
In 1963 The Beatles released 'I want to hold your hand' which was a chart topper at the time, however imagine this being written now, Paul Mccartney would have probably been quite chuffed to just hold hands with a girl he was seeing but today Robin Thicke quite clearly demonstrates the changes that have happened in regards to what Men want.
Going steady was our today's 'going out with' however quite often this would mean a guy giving the girl a token to show her he was hers, like a letterman sweater or an item of his like a ring. Then ofcourse, Marriage and Babies would come and there were less divorces, less cheating and people stuck with their relationships, if there was problems they would make it work.
Being a romantic, I still live in hope of an old fashioned love, with a gentlemen, so instead of embarking on settling for something which has no meaning, simply so i'm not single, I am instead going to wait, and respect myself enough to never settle. There are still Gentlemen and Ladies out there, they are just rarer to find, so make your own old fashioned love story and don't succumb to some of the negatives that have developed over time.
Are you lucky enough to have this type of old fashioned love? Let me know
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