A year on.

16/02/13

This time last year my whole world changed. Life as I had known it for three and a half years, had just been stopped and ended. It was time to start over completely.

We all go along in life, sometimes not thinking about what's going to happen next. We are focusing on getting through the here and the now, it may be that we are just content, or may be that we are scared of the unknown. A year ago I was doing both. My life was mundane, full of the same routine, my self esteem was non existent and I was lonely in a relationship without even realizing it. But suddenly all of that was just taken away, my foundations had been broken and I had to leave all I knew and start over again completely. Alone, single, with no home, having to leave a job and a life. 

At the time I reached the darkest places, I was very messed up, and very broken, looking back now, I am not ashamed or afraid of admitting that, after-all it was all sudden and harsh and out of the blue and at a time where everything was going wrong or a struggle anyway. I won't go into the circumstances again, because those of you I know or who have read my blog will know the bad stuff that happened. 

However one thing that got me through and that I want to express is 'TIME'.

When I was down and struggling, Time went slow, nights were long, I didn't sleep, and anyone who knows what it's like to try sleeping with a broken heart, will know that them nights are the longest thing in the world and that you would give anything to just sleep contently and throughout it all. Days were slow, each day dragged out and was full of emotions, which became a vicious circle when your tired too. 

But then this 'TIME' also became a bit of a blessing. I started to cross each day off a calender, then each week, and then each month, and each time a week passed, I felt myself getting stronger, thinking that if I could do this week, then maybe I could get through a whole month, and eventually a month did pass by. Then not long after in a world where time is precious and passes us by so quickly.. a whole six months passed. And I remember this being a massive milestone, and being able to say 'Ive lasted half a year and I'm still here' 

For anyone who has been there or is going through this, then keep busy. I have never achieved or done so much in a year then I have in this year that's just passed. It saved me, and in the end I didn't have time to think or to dwell as I was too busy living a new life that I had built. 

And now It's been a whole year, and It's safe to say - Time is a healer.

Here's to another year of being strong and fighting everything heads on, I am so proud of myself and I have never looked back. 

February 2014

Jade xox

Why I want to be..

When I was a little girl there was only two things I wanted to be - An Actress and a Spy.
At that age I had keen hopes that somehow I would combine the two or do them both. Acting was my first true love, and after being in many stage productions and the chance of drama school at only eleven years old, it came down to getting the grades and an education, or going off to embrace being the drama queen that I was. I settled on grades and continued to annoy my Mum and Dad by putting in extra effort into being dramatic at home, and to be honest - The drama queen inside has never left me.
Becoming a spy - well that was a-lot more straight forward, after lots of time invested in spy gadgets as a child, I think the urge to be a MI5 Agent naturally grew away. However looking back now - Both of these elements have come forward into what I truly want to be now. The dramatic side to me, has allowed me to be confident in myself, and to never be shocked or surprised, and wanting to be a spy - Well not only did that make me a tad nosey and want to be involved in everything, but it also made me a quick thinker. All of these I hope will lead nicely into my true career dream - Being a Paramedic.

In my family care and compassion has always been present, My Nan did nursing, and many of my family have been nurses or midwives. It was the normality. When I was growing up, time spent with my Dad was time looking at First Aid and practicing Bandages and Slings, I pretty much perfected perfect bandage techniques by the age of 13, and knew basic First Aid, this was no doubt helped by my volunteering of going to First Aid clubs at Primary School, of which of-course brought around my proudest moment - receiving my First Aid certificate aged 10.

As I have got older - First Aid became much more real - With many experiences hand-on and serious. I had to truly put into practice all what I knew, but this only made me more sure that this was what I was good at. There were a-lot of personal situations where I had to care for Family and had to be hands on, remembering all I learnt. It wasn't easy along the way. I have always had the desire to help others within me, I have been a regular blood donor for years, and have done a-lot of volunteer work, including spending a summer in Thailand in 2013.

After 3 years doing a Media Degree, and then going onto work in The Media, wanting to be a Paramedic never left me, I just didn't realize how much I wanted to do it, or how much I was meant to do it. After a massive life changing experience, I quit working in the Media, and went onto Care Nursing with Seniors.

Finally working in this type of role for a job - changed me, and made me 100% certain, not only did I have the care and compassion that is needed, but when I had patients have strokes, heart attacks and some sadly not make it, I realized I had the strength of character too, and that I could act on impulse and all these things prove so important. It was a hard job, you grow close to patients, and I am the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, I get attached, I form connections, and I care about people, this made it hard, and some would say to not form attachments, to see it purely as a job, and to block it out. I disagree, to do this job, you have to be human, you have to care - If not then it's not for you. So yes - I make the job so much harder for myself, but I get so much more back - Its so rewarding and it makes me whole.

As-well as this I volunteer for St Johns Ambulance, where I train up in level, and where I practice First Aid on the general public, I know I am on the right path now, with this, college and University. I have never been more certain. So be friendly if you see me and I happen to be working, doing my First Aid with St Johns, because it could be you I have to help!

What did you want to be when you were little, and is it still the same today, always remember that it's okay to not know what you want to be, some people don't know till they are old and grey, and if you do know then never give up, it's never too late.

Jade xox

Letter to my future self

A while back I did a post on a letter to my sixteen year old self. Looking back on our life can shape us in the here and now. Seeing the importantance of this and how many of my readers said it helped them I was thinking about our future and how that can help us in the here and now also. So I have written a letter to my future self. My future self at the age of 40.

Dear Future Self

I am hoping you have come along way since I wrote this and that you have learnt from whatever has happened during now and to whenever you may look back at this in years to come.

17 years have passed, that seems a very long time when thinking about it, but I am guessing it has flown by.

By the time you read this, I hope that you finally became a paramedic, because right now at 23, it's what you want more than anything, I knew it would be a long journey to this, but I am hoping the journey and hard work paid off and that you finally achieved it. Now that you are more wiser and older, I am hoping you have stopped letting people get to you, the fact that you wear your heart on your sleeve and care to much is making you a little down at the moment, with people taking advantage and not appreciating you. However this is why I so desperately hope that you did become a paramedic so that you could use these flaws to your ability in your job.

Hopefully you have been enjoying life, with less worry than now, and less caring about everything so much.

If your still single than that's because your still in the state of mind that you was at the time I write this, with your walls up and focusing purely on yourself, saving yourself from hurt, and if your not single then he better be worth it (well he must have been if you let your guard down for him!).  I won't lie by the age of 40, I'll be a little let-down if you are single and with no little bubba's or children. You have always been maternal, and always been mother material, so I know that if you are reading this now as a very happy mummy then I am sure you are showering your children with love and that all that time working with and looking after other peoples babies has come into good use, which is what I do now as I write this to you.

Most likely you have looked back on me, as the years have passed and led you to who you are now. I hope that you never looked back and regretted a thing, and I hope that you were never sad, or sorry for your past. Remember now, that it all had to happen for a reason, and be proud of all you have overcome. We always knew you were strong, and that's what we have always done, we have always moved on, because life goes on.  Congratulations, for still being here, and still standing, sometimes it wasn't easy, and I'm sure after I even write this now that there are more obstacles that we are going to have to overcome, but we have had a-lot already happen to us in these 23 years, that I am sure that the next 17 will be a breeze, or at-least you will be able to deal with them, because you have grown so much and you already know that you can get through it. 

Continue to love to much, and continue to care, because as much as it wears us down now, and makes us feel rubbish and down, you will change someones love, with your big heart, and that alone is worth it.

I guess writing to you and knowing your my future self, I am going to hope for the best and visualize the best possible version of events. But whatever has happened in the time that has passed, I just hope your happy, and surrounded by those you have always loved.

From your lost and found 23 year old self.

Jade xox

10 Rules Every Girl should live by

No Girl on Girl Hate
There is enough going on in a girls life, rather than having to worry about going at war with eachother, there is nothing I hate more than bitchiness, us girls should stick together, we are all the same, we all have the same insecurities, bringing eachother down is horrible and pointless, instead smile at eachother, compliment eachother, and if you have a problem tell the girl, don't degrade or play games. If girls spent more time being nice instead of horrible the world would be a happier place ;)

Love your friends
In your life, you will have friends come and go, but there will always be a select few who are your soul mates, your sisters. Cherish your nearest and dearest, when the party is over they are the ones who are around. They are the people who will understand you the most, who will know you inside out and all your faults and still love you for it, treat them carefully, they are fragile, appreciate them, and always let them know how must you love them. You need them as much as they need you, and when you cant stand yourself they will. Never make them feel forgotten, whether you have a boyfriend, a baby or are not as close by anymore. 









Men are not your life
Men are no way the be all and end all of life. Men are nice, you will love a man at some point in your life, you may love a few, but don't let men control your life. Don't waste time crying over boys. One day you will find a man who cuts the bullshit out, you will know when hes the one, so until then, drop the boys out your life and spend all that love on yourself instead. It's okay to be single. If you are sad about not finding your prince, have fun kissing frogs until you do ;)










Celebrate your Success
Its more than okay to be proud of your achievements, don't hold back on celebrating your own success. Scream it from the rooftops, tell yourself your amazing. Pat yourself on the back. Bask in the good you have done.

Live your life
No matter what age you are by number.. never forget what it feels like to be young and alive. Live your life for you, not anybody else, you get one life, so fill it in every way you want to and can. People are always going to talk, so do what you have to do, you may as-well give them something worthy to talk about. Life's to short, don't waste it worrying or stressing, chances are your worries are minor and your stresses are over things that may never happen.

Work hard - Play Harder
Getting absolutely wasted on too many shots with your friends on a Saturday night - does not make you an alcoholic, it makes you - alive.  Having a good time is not a crime. Let loose, go wild, drink way to many sambucas - Your young once, your carefree once, one day you may not be able to do all these things, so make the most of these years.

Regret nothing

In life you are going to make many mistakes. The wrong job, the wrong degree, the wrong boyfriends, the wrong choices. Everything happens how its meant to happen. You will learn something from every mistake you make, and you will come back better and stronger. Embrace it, and don't be scared to take risks and go with whats right at the time. Never fret over the past, it shapes our future.

Choose your company wisely

Don't keep company with those who make you feel like rubbish. You don't need people who compare themselves to you, or who make you feel your rubbish or in-debted to them. [People who love you for you, and enhance your life are those you need around. Remember you can pick who you have in your life, and getting a good team is the best thing you can ever do.

Travel

Travel while you can, while you have nothing holding you back, no children or mortgages or husband, get out there, see the world, let it change and shape you, trust me once you travel you will always travel, it is the most rewarding and amazing thing in life, and will bring you things you never knew were possible.

Stuff the Diet

Diets are not natural. Embrace them curves and eat that cheeseburger, if you spent more time loving your body and looking at your positives you may be a happier person, besides eating what you like is funner, and its your body ;)

So all my female friends, what are your rules you stand by? Feel free to share! And remember these rules :)

Jade xox