The last person that I fell for, couldn't fall completely back. In hindsight he was a bastard. But at the time to hear 'But your just not perfect' was actually quite shattering. I did think to myself 'But why?' What was so bad about me? I gave my all despite past hurts, I showed love, affection and everything that someone could need and want, even got duped into keeping my hair a certain colour, changing things about me to fit their mould- but still I wasn't perfect enough and this person was not willing to settle for someone or something that wasn't match perfect. Now fair enough, We shouldn't become a generation of 'Settlers' if it's not there, its not there. But ultimately what was perfect anyway?
I am not perfect.
I suffer from anxiety, not out of control anxiety, but I will worry about things others wouldn't.
I sometimes prefer the comfort of bed and Netflix to getting all pretty and drunk.
I have a big bum, big boobs, hardly a six pack and muscles kinda girl.
My hair has changed colour a thousand times.
I look like a girly girl but truth is Xbox One fulfils me more than a pampering session.
Still working on the eyebrow game.
Im a nanny most likely because part of me still is a kid.
I have a Media Degree, which is no longer even being used, Oh hi student loan debt.
I go from being excitable like a cute bunny to an angry tiger on heat rather easily.
I think I put more effort into others than I do into myself.
Like a bath too many.
Like food too much!
Have about 3 dream careers and I'm 24 and am doing none of them.
In-fact I should cut down the options and figure it all out but I'm not in the mood yet.
I attract weirdos, stalkers and all sorts, but never a good guy.
Having too much sugar turns me into that crazy kid at the school party, bouncy castle, sick.. Need i say more...
I love Disney, Lord of the Rings, Sci-fi and fantasy way too much.
I would rather climb trees then go shopping.
When I love someone, I love them, I give too much, absorb too much and basically get attached.
There is that and then there is this whole shut off mode too.. Wont even reply to your messages really (If you are a guy that is) - bit too used to the single life I'm afraid.
I still have hope, so much hope... even though all that ever happens is normally bad luck and shit haha.
I will wear false eyelashes everyday.
I will have my own insecurities.
I will worry that I am not good enough (for friends, family so on)
I can be too strong.
There are probably a thousand more things I could list, think of and tell you, that are flaws, differences or weak points. But, nobody is match perfect, what you find is that you are somebody's idea of perfect, the things I list, may be just like somebody else. Lets just all get over this idea of being perfect, changing ourselves to fit the mould, adapting to someone else and their needs and wants.
If you don't think I am perfect, I quite frankly don't give two shits. It's about having your own perfect little army, your tribe... Your family, your friends, whoever you have in your life, thats what makes it perfect, they see your imperfections, your flaws and love you regardless. YOU DO NOT NEED anybody that tells you different, the moment someone makes you question yourself, or who you are is the moment that person should be out of there!!!
Accept your flaws, and start seeing the good in yourself, its the only path to happiness, The moment we start to act like our life is a blessing is the moment it will start to feel like one.
It truly does take a level of self love, dedication and determination to live your greatest life, being the best possible version of yourself. You need to stop look within and look at every aspect of your life, ask yourself - Am i on course? Am i growing better, am i growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually? ANYTHING that is blocking any of this is blocking you living in the greatest way, its preventing inner happiness. It takes courage but we need to let go of the negative people, the negative things and the habits we form. Trust in yourself, believe in yourself, without seeking affirmation or approval and then doors will open where walls have previously been.
You are always perfect to someone out there.
And to the one that showed me that I was in an IMPERFECT situation - by treating me imperfectly - Thankyou, I have never been more happier and assured than I am today.
Love Jade xox
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